Friday, April 30, 2010

Reality Is Funnier (Case File #2)

I love Tim and Eric and this just feels like it came from them.... but it didn't. 9 minutes of sword swinging, meat cutting, rope slicing mayhem? Yes. Overweight man swinging a giant piece of metal at dead things? Yes. Seriously amazing production? Yes. It has it all, including a quote I'll be saying for the rest of my life:

"Flick, flick, flick... and off comes a part... of twenty pounds of beef."

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Reality Is Funnier (Case File #1)

Every once in a while I stumble across something that makes me realize that no matter what the latest funny (?) SNL parody clip is, or the satirical Onion headline may read, there are just too many bat-shit crazy things that are real. These case files are just a few of those absurd, are-you-sure-this-is-actually-real? things. Moments that make your brain scream that it's a joke and you wait for the laugh track... but it never comes. It never, ever comes....Enjoy.

Saturday, April 24, 2010

It's What I Hear In My Head...

This song needs to be triple platinum by tomorrow. Also, I think we now know what would happen if the Fresh Prince and Carlton had a child... He would grow up to dance(?) and sing(?) "Big Booty Bitches... Big... Big... Booty Bitches... Haaaaa!"


Wednesday, April 21, 2010


Here's a new BULLY video for you. Enjoy! (And send it to your friends) More to come!

Monday, April 19, 2010

There's No Such Thing As A Stupid Question, But....

So I have been watching The Little Chocolatiers because... well... it's like someone crept inside my brain while I was dreaming happy, wonderful dreams and stole a box of hope from my head. Then they put it in 30 minute increments on TLC. Watch it.

ANYWAY... I started feeling guilty about my midget joke and was concerned I was maybe being a jerk. I know 'midget' isn't a cool term, but I can't help it. I have no hang ups about little people. In fact, you put me on Little Chocolatiers, I'm gonna be delighted. I will light up like a child and get to work on getting diabetes in the most fun way possible. The possibilities are endless for a 6'7" giant like me, a couple of little folks, and a mountain of confectionery joy. The danger of looking like, and meeting the same demise as, Agustus Gloop is high, but that's beside the point. I just don't want to piss someone off because I do the joke. If I offend someone, I want it to be for the right reason. (Like the guy that threatened to shoot me for doing a pro-gay-marriage joke. Now THAT guy, I want to piss off) Needless to say, I was worrying about the joke, the context, the wording, etc.

Then I checked google.

Go to google. It's real. So I guess I don't have to worry. At least I'm aware of my shortcomings (seriously, no pun intended). I may do a midget joke, but I'm not asking the internet if they have souls.... Oh, and I really want to know where the thought process in someone's mind leads to asking 'do midgets go to jail'.

I Guess ICP Means 'I Can't Process'

I know this is somewhat old news. It's been out for nearly a week and that makes it Social Security Old in internet years. (Even SNL did a bit about it, so it HAS to be played out) But I had to throw it on here because it simply makes me... exhausted. Every logical part of me screams this has to be a joke.... but I'm starting to think they're serious.

Someone should make them watch just one episode of Beakman's World. It would blow their minds. I would say show them Bill Nye, but I think it might be over their heads.

Dear ICP,

Go back to rapping about hatchets and hating women. Know your limits.

The internet is a miracle,

Ray Harrington

Saturday, April 17, 2010

Why My Career As A Children's Movie Producer Is Failing

The Trouble With Bunnies (is They Die)

Cupcakes, Candy, and Sexuality

Let’s Eat Glass!

The Magic Van with No License Plates

The Passion of the Christ

Schindler’s Wacky Ride

Adventures In Planned Parenthood

Transgender Summer Camp II

Your Dog Didn’t Go To Live on a Farm

Bed Knobs and Broom Sticks and Bone Cancer

Pulp Fiction Jr.

Gary Totter: The Magic Thing of Magic Place

Santa Saves Hannukah

The Fantastical Abandoned Refrigerator

American History ‘Xcellent!

Thursday, April 15, 2010

Um, Canada... You're A Little Creepy

Here's a clip from some 80's gameshow in Canada. I can't help but wonder what Double Dare would have been like if Mark Somers were like this. I bet a lot more kids would have been slimed.